This is a entry in a long time..Im gg to revive this blog or i'll blog in a livejournal account.
I have decided to start blogging now because I am gg to experience some very beautiful and amazing things the next month.So I want to keep all my thoughts,pictures and lessons I have learnt from my trip in a place that cant be burnt when a fire breaks out in my house.I know for sure I have one less thing to save ;) haha
Its been a long long time since I last blogged and Im sure there are 2 things that would shock the Janet last year:I have gotten my license and have the freedom to drive around in my sis's car(except I dont know much roads besides clementi road and holland village road) and Im gg to LSE for a summer school prog and will get to tour ard Europe!!!!!!
Hope the trip will recharge me and give me the new boost of energy i badly need...given how i have lamented the lost of my youth and zest for life these days as im inching nearer to my 21st birthday.With a legally defined adult age comes changes that I do not like.Coldness and detachment.I know these things come in a package but Im glad there are those who keep me warm.I should never doubt and should believe they are there,especially my family.
The last few weeks in Singapore and I felt like i havent done all that i needed!Save for driving to get what i crave for and sleeping till I open my eyes naturally.Thats what so awesome about this summer.I mean one of the many awesome things heehee.
Off to catch some hk drama and brush up on all that mouthful of cantonese!
flutter @ 11:01 PM
Thursday, December 18, 2008
A person cares when he/she got reminded of the gd times he/she used to have w a special someone n drops a msg..to ask, to care ,to show love's still there.You dont do it just for a show.You do it with a heart.You dont do it only when you are bored and was just thinking who to msg to pass your time.You do it because you really want to know what you have missed out on that person's life.You dont do it when your in trouble or you need someone to listen to.You do it because you know the person wld wan2 know and u wld trust to share ur ups and downs.
You dont place a friend down there and realise their presence only when you get down on your legs and cry.
flutter @ 11:33 PM
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
This is what i have chosen.No complains but i feel like i lost all my teeth and this afternoon i have to carefully slip a piece of bread i tore into my mouth and winced in pain as my teeth meet each other to chew the bread.That doesnt count as complaining im sure.Im just noting down my initial feelings of this horrible 20 month long ordeal.I hope I read this 20 months later and keep it in heart it wasnt all rainbows and frolicking in the meadows getting through this ugly irritating procedure.
People always convince themselves what they do is justified.Sometimes u know your real motive for doing something is wrong,ur reason is twisted but yet somehow u can find a nice way to make urself sound righteous to do that.And people seem to manage to successfully brainwash urself tat theres nothing wrong.Oh the great lies we weave into our lives.
flutter @ 11:33 PM
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
What we thought is the most important then,that made your world,that lead you through the days,doesnt seem to matter at all now.
flutter @ 1:03 AM
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Never stop declaring your love for those people you care about.You might think that they know you love them and hence you dont have to always tell them that.You might think that your actions show that you love them hence you never told them the words.But there is never such thing as hearing too much of how much you love them and care for them.All of us need assurances and everytime you tell someone how you feel,you will make them special all over again.
A friend once told me "As long as i care for them with my actions,and i know that they know i love them,why should i hang those words on my mouth?" I tried to understand this point of view but i still believe that you should never leave anything to assumption.Why assume this and allow yourself to regret in the future when you dont have any chances to let them hear what u wanted to say?Why give yourself the possibility of regretting?
Came across this video and I knew I had to note down how im feeling now so Im always reminded of how we live our lives in comfort and forget how lucky we are everyday.
flutter @ 6:05 PM
Monday, October 13, 2008
Nothing tugs at your heartstrings more than a loved one leaving you.No pretense,no holding back could hide it.
All of us felt sad watching her walk through the gate.She was waving back to us repeatedly as if to tell us"Hope to c u guys soon!" and that itself wld mean shes gg to b away for some while,out of our sight for awhile..I stupidly tried to hold back and convince myself not to cry because its not as if shes not coming back to singapore ever again,i told myself.I stood there,waving all the way since shes past the gate and till shes out of sight.She was turning ard and waving to us the whole time too.I commented that the last time we were here as a whole family to send her off my 2nd sis was pregnant.This time rd,my nephew was born and was present to send my 3rd sis off too.
After we turned our backs against the departure gates,i felt my mum kept searching my face,for some tears i presume.At that moment,im glad i didnt cry like a 7 yr old who cries at the slightest thing.But as we continue to walk away,I felt my eyes getting wet so i looked away to compose myself.Then i heard loud sobs and saw my mum, all red faced and tears streaming down her cheeks rapidly.I gave my mum an exasperated look, all for wasting my efforts to contain my emotion.I held her and told her its not as if my sis is not gonna come back ever.Right there,I cld feel an answer generated in my own brain going:But it still hurts that shes away.It was then my 2nd sis and I decided to let go too and we were all tearing madly.It was then I realised all of us have been holding back our tears.
Although she was back with us for a wk for her holiday,it saddens us that shes going to be alone in some foreign country,with nobody to rely on,nobody to care for her when shes sick or no one to listen to her after her hard day's work for some while.It was our 2nd time sending her off and this is one thing that never gets any better with more experience.
And this taught me I should never lie to myself abt the things i really do care about and curbing myself from showing my true emotions.And this taught me theres nothing wrong w crying like a 7 yr old.
flutter @ 1:05 AM
Monday, January 14, 2008
How well do you think you know someone who shares a special relationship with you?Today, after all that has happened, i started to doubt what i see and what i thought he is.Does he really care as much as i thought he would but just discreetly?Or is it just that he really doesnt care and he totally played a rotten role yet im the only person who bothers thinking the best of him?Where is this gonna go?I want him to be who i thinks he is.I wish i can make him do something and bring us an answer.But what hurts me most is when i doubt if I mattered that much to him.
Sometimes when I say im okay,I really am not.
Lesson learnt from hallelujah chancing and from recent events:If you love someone,say it now.You never know when the person might just leave you without hearing from you how you feel.If you dont say something soon,I will give up on you as well.
flutter @ 11:58 PM
flutter
Janet
loves my family and friends
purple.
butterflies.
Touch rugby.
Jogging leisurely.
team-mates :).
Japanese food.
desserts.
Chocolates(especially white ones).
Chocolate cakes.
optimistic.
cheerful.
blur.
forgetful.
paranoid.
Exaggerated actions (HAHA).
Spastic.
Emotional.
Wishes
Everyone ard me and myself to be happy always.